Zmax: The Interview

Who are you?
I am Zmax.

Yea I know but who are you really?
I am Zmax, really. There is none other.

Yes I know, so you say. And keep saying. Why the mystery?
It's entertainment and that's what people want.

Is that what "people" want or is that just what you enjoy doing here?
It's one and the same. Information and entertainment.
People, I mean human beings in general, are victims of their own evolution,
our self-consciousness, intellect intertwined with hormones and stuff.
Humankind is, at the base level, very hedonistic and constantly searching
for sources of stimulation. Infotainment.
They did these studies of chimpanzes where they put them in a cage and
did sensory deprivation stuff to see how they reacted and they got
very depressed.

Is that the one where they had them doing all that cocaine and
they coked up till they couldn't do anymore?

Uh, no. This was the study where they deprived chimps of a daily
diet of Oprah, MTV, Potatoe chips, McDonalds burgers and fries,
diet Coke, espressos, and Seattle grunge music like Nirvana.
The results were not pretty.

I see.
No, you dont.

Whatever. So up till now you thought it was cool not to have
a web site. And now that's changed. Why?

Oy! Again with all the questions! Look, who are You anyway?!
Uh... I don't know. I just like it as a vain means of self expression,
creativity, and nexus of information. I like giving and receiving
information however useful, speculative, or banal. Uhhh... It's cool.

Why are there no pictures of you on this site?
For one thing I haven't gotten around to putting any on here
and for another I think it's too vain for people to go putting all
these photos of themselves all over the net like they're on the
cover of People magazine or something!
It takes all the mystery out of who is this idiot anyway!

What about the Supra thing?! Isn't that a bit self-agrandizing?
Where's my shotgun?

What about this interview? Isn't this a shameful display of self promotion?
Yes, it is just like all the other fodder and crap out there on the web!
That was my idea behind this website. To not really have a website
about any cause or thing in particular but to be a billboard that said:
Hey, Here I am! Here's my homepage!
Here are all these other homepages
too! Yeeha! Isnt this cool?! 8-)

Actually I dont know really. The page is really a map of my brain.

This is your brain on internet?
Yea, I suppose, something like that.

What about your obsession with Howard Stern?
I can't explain it. If you don't get it then you just
dont get it. It's a comedy show. That's what it is. If
you take it any more seriously than that you need to have
your head examined. Go see the movie. That'll help.

Is this related to the Beavis and Butthead phenomenon? Clearly, another obsession...
Yes. I got hooked. It's not my fault.
In fact, MTV is now shooting that insipid show "Real Life" in Boston.
Here is some commentary on that.

And Fast Cars, what's that all about? Don't you think it's
kind of juvenile? Isnt it time to grow up and drive an Aerostar
instead of a hot, pulse-pounding, adrenaline ripping mean machine?

People who grow up are no fun. And that's what life is all about.
If you're not having fun then you'll go to your grave not getting it.

What about Babylon 5? Has it surpassed Star Trek? Is it better?
Ugh! Don't you think we fans can all just get along?!
It surprises me no end how no one ever really lives up to the high
ideals of the show, how everything and everyone evetually degenerates
into petty, selfish, political machinations. Get a life people!

What is the secret of life, the universe?
Watch TV.

And what about sex? How do you explain your obsession with that?
I'm a victim of the sexually obsessed media. I'm bombarded with images
and sounds and sights millions of times every day. It's no wonder
me and every guy out there is a walking hard on.

Is it my imagination or do you sometimes think in a British accent?

This is getting tedious.
Then I guess it's time to go back.