The Adventures of Janis the Net.Hussy

Copyright 1993, 1997, David Weinstein

First written April (?) 1993.
A silly Star Trek story written by a fan for a fan and fans...and readers of the then rec.arts.startrek.current usenet newsgroups etc.

The .sig file:

Janis the net.hussy
Janis Cortese || President and Founder: SEFEB, and The ||
cortese@ || Society of People Who Would Love to ||
UCIrvine Linguistics, || Shove a Stick Up Rush Limbaugh's Ass; ||
for a while more anyway || and Member of The Star Trek Ladies' ||
Irvine, California || Auxiliary and Embroidery/Baking Society ||

SEFEB = Siddig El Fadil Estrogen Brigade (Dr. Bashir on Deep Space 9)

The Adventures of Janis the Net.Hussy Part I of ???

Janis the Net.Hussy sat at her desk reviewing her linguo-phonology dissertation. It was far from done but her professor wanted an update. Just how much longer would she be at this unversity anyway? Didn't she know there was a whole world out there beyond college, the People Who Spit on Rush Limbaugh's Toupee Society and the Women's StarFleet Phaser Shake and Bake Club? What a cad that prof could be. But what a pimp he'd probably make. She sighed.

The intercom buzzed. "Yes?" Janis asked.

"O'Brien on line one for you Ms. Hussy.", the computer said.

"Go ahead..."

"Janis, where've you been?", O'Brien asked incredulously, "We got those matter/antimatter antigrav flux capacitors back on line an hour ago. They're waiting for you in engineering...."

"Geeez!", Janis exclaimed, "Can't you people function just sometimes without me? Isnt Dax down there? She can handle the phase in."

"Yes, Im sure but we need your expertise...", O'Brien said.

"Ok," Janis relented, "Give me an hour. Hussy out."

Just as she was getting back to work the com unit buzzed again.
"Hussy here."

"Commander Hussy, Sisco here. Listen, don't forget that meeting with the Alterians at ohfourhundred this morning. They've just come through the wormhole yesterday. We told them Quark's was shut down but they don't believe me. We need your phonological skills to communicate with them that allowing them to gamble on a first contact is against the prime directive."

"So who died and left you pimp?" Janis demanded to know. "Don't you know I have a dissertation due in..."

"Commander Hussy!" It was Kira in ops. "Sorry to break in but we have a Bajoran National here who demands to see you about why you won't let their ship leave spacedock."

"Kira, what's the matter? I thought you knew how to kick butt?! Im busy now!" Janis replied.

"Oh thank you, commander, Ill take care of it!" said Kira in a barely restrained voice of Bajoran glee.

"Anyway, Sisco, I'll try to be there. Depends how far I get on my dissertation. And if there are any good bands playing at the union later."

"OK, Sisco out."

Janis wondered if she would ever get a moment's peace.

The com unit buzzed again.
"Ms. Hussy, this is Ambassoder Spock. I urgently request to speak with you!"
"OK, Mr. Spock, how can I help you?"

"It's the Romulans. They say they will open fire and destroy millions of innocent civilians and federation planets if they don't recieve the latest shipment of Cakes and Scones from the Women's StarFleet Phaser Shake and Bake Club. "

"We sent that one out two solar weeks ago!", Janis replied.

"Its late", Spock said. "There was a distributors strike in the Beta quadrant near the neutral zone. That slowed things down."

"Yes, well, tell them we'll get it there tomorow or we'll throw in a free case of Denebian Slime cookies."

"Right. For those cookies they'll do anything. Spock out."

It was almost time to go to Engineering and see how things were progressing.

The computer chirped up again. "Incoming for you on Starfleet Coded Priority Channel 57..."

"On screen...."

The screen lit up revealing the face of someone she wasn't sure she wanted to speak to.

"Kirk! I thought I told you never to call me on this line! What reason could you have for using a top priority line to call me?!" Janis exclaimed.

"Uh...I'm a legend in my own time and I'm 200 hundred years old?" James T. Kirk asked.

"Oh right! And what makes you think I still want to talk to you? Especially after last time?" Janis wondered.

"Hey, I may be 200 years old but that didn't stop you from sucumbing to my charms." Kirk said with an impish grin. "All those rejuv treatments keep a guy in shape, if you know what I mean."

"Kirk, you're still as womanizing as ever! But with just the right touch of senility its downright charming."

"Ha! I knew it. So when are beaming over to my place? I know a great little cafe at Galaxy's End." Kirk said.

"How about this weekend?" Janis asked.

"Good. Kira might show up...."

"Even better!"

"See you then. Kirk out."

Ahg! How could she? With Kirk? But then, she wasn't called Janis the Net.Proud.Hussy for nothing... ;-)


We don't need no stinking disclaimer!

Nothing personal. Its never personal! Its a joke. We just like her sig. :)


The Continuing Adventures of Janis the Net.Hussy Part II

When last we left our heroine, Commander Hussy was inundated by calls from all over the galaxy for her help and expertise. Hussy pondered events on her way down to engineering to help O'Brien with the matter/antimatter antigrav flux capacitors phase in process.

A crisis with the Romulans was averted by promising them a case of Denebian Slime Cookies from the Women's Star Fleet Phaser Shake and Bake Club. Sisco wanted her to attend a meeting with the Alterians at oh four hundred about the prime directive making gambling on a first contact prohibited. And Kirk would be waiting for her at the Galaxy's End Cafe. That 200 year old, senile jerk wanted her in a menage a trios with, of all people, Kira! Just his type she guessed sarcastically.

"Where've you been?!", O'Brien exclaimed as Janis entered engineering. "Its been over two hours!"

"And here I thought you were supposed to be the new miracle worker, O'Brien," Hussy replied. "Don't tell me you left your brain behind in that last trip you made through the wormhole? If you know what I mean....."

"Well you don't have to get Hussy about it...."

To forestall any further argument Dax piped up in her usual crisp technospeak, "Commander, the phase in process is almost complete. We installed the transwarp inducers in the phased anitmatter graviton coils. Then we cross linked the data structures from the computer to run all the diagnostics. So far everything is working fine. But the last part requires an executive decision." Dax said.

"What's that?" Hussy asked.

Dax and O'Brien exchanged glances suggesting surprise that the Commander did not know how to complete the operation. Dax looked down intently at her tricorder for a moment and pressed a few buttons in her usual dexterous fashion.

"Uh," O'Brien said, "Do we use channel A or cross- circuit to B?"

"Cross circuit to B," Hussy replied as she turned and left. There was still too much to accomplish today; not to forget her linguo-phonology dissertation or her meeting with her professor.

Hussy's professor was waiting for her when she returned to her office in the Phonology Department. Not that he had too far to walk since his office was just down the hall.

"Weren't we supposed to meet half an hour ago in my office to discuss your dissertation, Janis?" the Prof asked.

"Yes," Janis replied, "but I got caught up in some things."

"You seem to be distracted a lot lately." the professor continued. He stopped and looked at her for a second. "Why are you wearing that costume? And what's that funny shaped lapel pin supposed t be? Are you in some sort of theater group?"

"Well, uh..." Janis said while she tried to think of some excuse, "yes, that's it, its a theature group....just something I got into lately...." She smiled.

He crossed his arms and peered down his nose at her. "I hope its not affecting your dissertation...."

"No, of course not!" Janis said realizing he was about to go into his usual lecture about the Real World.

The Prof continued, "You know, Janis, there's more to life and the Real World than this university. You can't stay here forever."

He looked at her in his usual I pity the poor student look. "We'll talk about it in more detail tomorrow. The dissertation that is." he said and then left.

Here he is lecturing me about the Real World and look where he is. He doesn't even realize the irony Hussy thought. If he only knew the whole truth.... :)

"Computer, " Hussy said, "display all mail headings and list all calls for the last hour."

"Working...", mail headings displayed have three calls and one call answer one from James T. Kirk, call two from Katanya Legman, call three from Dijon Vinaigrette of the Klingon High Council. The queued call is from Katanya Legman from the planet Horus VII. A queued call meant the calling party was put on hold while waiting for the person to answer. If Hussy answered it, this Legman person would be alerted by her computer that the caller was there and would pick up.

Hussy checked her mail. The usual orders for scones and cookies, some hate mail from Rush Limbaugh devotees, and a letter from a user on the east coast who said he liked her sig and wanted to write a story about her based on it. Probably some hardup hacker geek with no life she thought as she perused the remaining letters.

She played back the first two calls. The first was from Kirk saying he looked forward to seeing her tonight. The second was from a woman who was shrieking in a high pitched voice that He was Hers and she had better back off! And that was it. Who was this woman? And how did she get her number?

"Computer," Hussy said, "put the queued call through and on screen."

A few seconds later the screen came on line showing a woman with a finely sculpted face, Botticelli eyes, long blond hair, and a sexy silver dress that crisscrossed her chest revealing bare shoulders and midriff and a nice pair of legs with knee high boots. Probably an outfit Bill Thesis would've thought up, she thought in one corner of her mind. The woman looked vaguely familiar and almost at once started talking quite angrily.

"You! How dare you go out with him? Don't you know he's mine? What do you think you're doing? Hands off I tell you! Just stay away from him!"

"Whhooooaaaaahhhh!!!", Hussy said, "Just who are and what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Kirk! I met him first. We've been going out for a few months now," Kat said.

"Kirk?" Hussy queried, "James T. Kirk?"

"Yes!", Kat said, "We met again recently when he and his landing party came into the club where I was performing on Horus VII." Kat's voice trailed off as she looked away. Her fiery demeanor subsided for a moment. She smiled. "We hit it off right away..."

"So he told you that? That you were going out?"


"Uh huh. Typical Kirk. He sees a lot of us working gals you know. So what makes you think..."

"Listen honey," Kat said the heat back in her voice, "I was going out with him first so I'm just telling you to back off!"

"OK, ok," Hussy said, "I had a date to see him tonight but after the way he acted last time I don't know. Why don't you meet him instead?"

"Sure", Kat replied.

Janis told her where and when. "One more thing," Hussy asked, "How did you get my number?"

"You're a net.personality aren't you? You know with that funny sig and all."

"What?!" Janis exclaimed.

"I have my sources," Kat continued, "someone gave it to me." She hung up and the screen went blank.

Very strange indeed. Figures Kirk would pick up an exotic dancer on some exotic alien planet, Hussy thought. He may be two hundred years old but he was still the same old Kirk. Now she needed a good excuse to tell Kirk why she wasn't going to be there. Since he was not easily fooled, she realized she'd need some expert advice, someone who was intimately aquainted with the former Captain of the Enterprise.

"Computer," she said, "seek and interface networked intelligence DRMC01."


A few seconds later the screen came to life with a familiar face. He was as he preferred to be remembered, a Star Fleet officer in his prime, mid thirties, face showing the lines and experience of someone older, and right now a sarcastic grin and a twinkle in his eye.

"You rang?" he drawled.

"McCoy!" Hussy said, "Am I glad you're here! Oh brother, I need your help with something."

"Well of course I'm here!" McCoy exclaimed. "Where the hell else would I be? Seeing as how I didn't like my molecules scrambled in that damn transporter when I was alive its certainly a damn shame to see them scattered all over this Federation computer net when I'm dead!"

"I need to talk to you."

"Oh, and you think you're the privileged? Right now I'm carrying on 273 simultaneous communications and monitoring 2034 medical procedures even as we speak. Some doctor on Carotid III wants to know whether he should use the Gronkman scanner or a Phenoxaldine as a treatment for postprangial upper-abdominal phlabitomitosus in Rigelians....", McCoy said.

Hussy tried to cut in, "It's about Kirk...."

"And just how did I know that?", McCoy asked.

Hussy began to get annoyed. "You weren't listening in earlier today on my transmission with him were you?"

"Moi?" McCoy's face took on a false incredulous look despite the grin.

"And you didn't give out my number to a certain Katanya stripper person on Horus VII, did you?" Hussy asked impatiently.


Janis frowned and said petulantly, "How could you? And how can you, an NI, have access to top priority classified Star Fleet transmission?"

"Look darlin'," McCoy began taking on an exaggerated southern drawl, "you forget, I'm not just an NI. I'm numero uno, VIP, all purpose, high ranking, Star Fleet medical NI with the equivalent security ranking of Admiral! I have access to everything."

They looked at each other for a moment. He wasn't really alive but it was almost as if some spark of human understanding passed between them.

Hussy's frown faded as she relaxed realizing the good doctor had her best interests at "heart".

McCoy continued without the accent in his best bedside manner, "You know after last time you really didn't want to see him again anyway. Right? So I just thought I'd help you out a little. That's all. I knew he met Katanya a while ago. So I tipped her off. I think he was trying to ditch her. But she's too dumb to realize that!"

They both started laughing.

When they calmed down after a minute Janis said, "So what do I tell him?"

"You leave that to me. Just record a message and I'll get it over there and have a talk with him. Heck, he talks to me almost all the time as if I'm still alive." McCoy said.

"Won't he get mad at you for interfering?" Janis asked.

"Yea. But then he'll realize how silly he's being getting mad at a machine. Then he'll forget about it. We'll talk later. And have fun with that next call, its a doosey!"

"Bye, and thanks Doctor," Janis said

"McCoy out." and he was gone.

Hussy was relieved that was over. She liked McCoy. He was easy to talk to and almost fatherly in a way. She wished she had known him when he was still alive, but figured this was the next best thing. One more phone message to check.

It was the call from a member of the Klingon High Council. He requested, practically demanded that she return his call at once. Hussy instructed the computer to return the call. She shuffled through some papers on her desk and a minute later was informed that Dijon was on the line.

"Commander Hussy!" barked Dijon. The screen showed his imposing figure and serious countenance.

"Yes, Dijon, how can I help you?" Hussy replied in a polite yet even tone.

"You are the President and Founder of the People Who Spit on Rush Limbaugh's Toupee Society?"


"Good!" the Council member said with glee, "We hereby demand that you bring Rush Limbaugh to us at once! Failure to do so and for him to appear for punishment of his crimes against Klingon society will result in a serious breach of relations between our respective worlds. I think you can guess what that would mean...." Dijon leered menacingly at her his last words hanging in the air.

Hussy swallowed and took a short breath pretending to appear calm, as if what he said had no impact. The next few minutes of the negotiation would be crucial. She wondered if she was up for it. And if her dissertation would ever get done...

To be continued......


What's a disclaimer? All in good fun. Nothing personal. Its never personal! We just like her sig. And yes, we do have a life! :) All coincidental realities between actual fictional persons and real life personas are intentional but just a guess really. Have a nice day. :-)

The Continuing Adventures of Commander Janis the Net.Proud.Hussy Part 3

Last time, we left our heroine pondering her next move after the Klingon High Council Member Dijon Vinaigrette demanded that she hand over Rush Limbaugh. The Klingons felt he had insulted their entire society and wanted to subject him to the ancient punishment of shoving a stick up his ass and spitting on his toupee. If Commander Hussy couldn't simply hand over Limbaugh or figure a way out of this, it could result in intergalactic warfare between the two neighboring respective cultures.

Dijon was waiting for a response.

"Council Member Dijon, with all due respect," Hussy began, "do you expect me, a commander in Star Fleet, to simply hand over Mr. Limbaugh?"

"You're the President of that Society of People who want him silenced aren't you?", Dijon said.

"Yes, but its just a citizens special interest group. I don't have the authority to hand him over. There must be some mistake. "

Dijon said in his most convincing high council voice, "Commander, we have a common interest here. To see Rush Limbaugh silenced. I think we could come to an arrangement."

"I don't know who told you our organization could get him. It's got to be a misunderstanding."

Dijon began to get impatient and raised his voice. "We know all about you and your organization Ms. Husssssy! We know that you have operatives everywhere keeping track of Limbaugh. Watching his every move, waiting for just the right moment to pounce." He paused for dramatic effect and lowered his voice again. "We could help you, create a diversion of some sort, and your people could go in, grab him...."

There was a chirp and the computer announced an emergency priority transmission arriving over Star Fleet subspace confidential coded channel 58.

"Dijon, I have an emergency transmission on call waiting, I'll have to put you on hold, I'll be right back." Before he could object Hussy switched to the priority transmission.

It was Sisco. He looked very serious. "Commander! You can't do it. You can't just hand over Mr. Limbaugh to the Klingons." Sisco said.

"What are you talking about?!", Hussy asked incredulously. "How do you know what's going on?"

"NI DRMC01 informed me."

"WHAT?! McCoy told you? Why that.... What business does he have meddling in all my affairs....." Hussy went on quite loudly.

"That's not the point, " Sisco continued, "the point is that Mr. Limbaugh, despite his being an overbearing, arrogant, foul mouth wretch who spews nonsense, bigotry and xenophobia to all the reaches of the galaxy, and who thinks he's a tin plated dictator with delusions of godhood, is still a member of this Federation and as such has all the rights thereof and is subject to the protection and laws of said Federation. "

"I don't know, Sisco," Janis said, "there could be an interstellar war if we don't hand him over. We'd be better off without him.

"For you to hand him over would be a direct violation of the Prime Directive..."

"I knew the Prime Directive would figure into this sooner or later, " Hussy commented dryly.

"....and all the laws and justice that we hold dear. If the Klingons have some grievance against him well, they can file a complaint with the Federation Judicial Branch. Otherwise, if we just start handing people over now, where will it end?"

"I guess you do have a point," Hussy conceded.

"I'm glad you're beginning to understand." Sisco continued, "We're talking about the basic rights of all sentient beings. After all, the Federation is in existence for the mutual scientific, economic, and defensive capabilities of all its members. That means even going to war with the Klingons or the Romulans over the defense of the rights of even one of its members. Even if the...." Sisco was interrupted by the chirp of the computer indicating another call was coming through. Like Sisco's, it was a high priority coded transmission.

"Computer, put the other caller on screen 3." Janis said.

"Hussy! What's going on over there?," the voice barked, "I can't leave you alone for two weeks and already I have Star Fleet breathing down my neck about you!"

It was Picard. Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Star Ship Enterprise. Bald as ever. And not too happy.

"So who's going to drop in next?" Hussy asked sarcastically, "Q?"

Picard grimaced. "Don't even think it. He might be listening." Picard looked over at the other screen. "Sisco! I see you've been giving the good Commander a refresher on the Star Fleet Morals and Mission to the Universe course. Good! I guess it won't have to be my job then. How is DS9 shaping up?"

Sisco responded, "DS9 is doing very well Captain. The Bajorans...."

"Excuse me gentlemen," Hussy interrupted, "but in case you forgot I have an angry Klingon waiting for an answer on the other line."

Picard looked back at Hussy. "Very true. I trust you know what to do Commander Hussy. The Federation is counting on you. "

"Don't worry Captain, I know the Klingons would never risk cutting off their only supply of Horta Scones and Denebian Slime Cookies. I've got them where it counts!"

"Good. I'm expecting a shipment of English tea biscuits from you soon myself. Picard out."

"I'll be here if you need anything." Sisco said and signed off.

Hussy breathed deeply, took a second to relax her composure and switched the Klingon back on line.

"What is your answer Hussy?!" Dijon demanded to know.

"Klingon High Council Member Dijon, on Earth we have an old saying. Never count your cookies before they are baked! I take it you know what that means. Hussy out." Hussy cut off the transmission as the Klingon was about to gesticulate and object.

Another crisis averted. The Klingons would complain and object as a face saving measure but they would never follow through on their threat. Now the galaxy would know why she alone for someone so young wielded such power. It was all in the baking.

Now things were quiet and it was the end of a typical long day in the life of Commander Janis the Net.Hussy. Her dissertation awaited. And who knows who or what else....


Teaser for part 4:

Life had returned to regular routine for a few days after the incident with the Klingon: work on the dissertation, grading student papers, wild jaunts in the SEFEB limo, and filling back orders from all over the galaxy for baked and embroidered goods.

Then one night Janis awoke from a sound sleep with a start. It was very dark and for a moment she didn't know where she was. She peered around the room trying to see something familier with what little light was available. As she sat up her hand bumped against something in the dark next to her. Cautiously she probed around and found an arm. It was warm. And it wasn't her own!

Janis quickly turned on a lamp next to the bed. He was young and terribly good looking. Just her type in fact. Then she realized who it was. He was none other than Dr. Julian Bashir....and they were both naked! And then she remembered....

To be continued.....! ;-) (-8

The Long Awaited Adventures of Janis The Net.Hussy Part 4


When last we left our heroine she had awakened in the dark from a sound sleep to find that she was not alone. (Surprised?!) To her delight and amazement who should be lying there but none other than Dr. Julian Bashir! What was he doing there? How had they gotten there? And what had they done...

And then she remembered.


....and then....she....remembered. Hello? Anyone out there? Janis sat in bed in the dark waiting for something to happen. Nothing happened. Not a sound nor a movement or a wink. She couldn't think let alone remember anything. She reached over and shook Bashir. He just lay there. was quite puzzling actually. Hello? Anyone out there?


....that the writer had gone on vacation! DAMN! How dare he! And just when things were heating up. Yes, he left his job and went on vacation for a month! A whole month! Who did he think he was? Now he's back but he's got a new job and he has to move. HA! Doesn't he realize that the Federation and its mission and the personal lives of its characters cannot wait for anyone? Where are his priorities?!?! Maybe he should just get a life! Or maybe he should just wait till everyone comes back in September and do a fall release...

Maybe he got writers block. Yes, that's it. But its not just that. Its gotten bigger, much bigger. Bigger than him. He sold out. And now some multinational corporate conglomerate like Sony owns the rights, the studios, the whole country. They got it locked up in some corporate bureaucracy. So the writer and his Federation supporters lobbied the Chairman, did power lunches, negotiated over car phones, faxed, faxed lunch, but it was still stuck somewhere in the recesses of corporate America.

The corporation wanted a good product. Something safe and mass marketable and not more than PG-13. Can't take too many risks anymore especially with so many big bucks sunk into the project.

Janis pondered all this in the dark. It was complicated. And it stunk. Was the universe nothing more than a tiny rain drop in some bigger world outside the universe? Was she nothing more than a pawn in some alien scheme? Or did she have free will? Did she direct and star in her own life and make it all it could be?

I guess we'll have to wait to find out! :)


You can help, and here's how: write the Chairman of the greedy multinational conglomerate that's taken over and tell them the following excuses for the writers not finishing part 4 and to get it out of committee:

1) The dog ate their keyboard.

2) They left their keyboards in Honalulu.

3) They don't know who took their keyboards or where they are.

4) For those that have Powerbooks and not keyboards, a corporate spy stole their Powerbook.

5) A jealous rival with "Powerbook envy" stole their Powerbook.


Here's what the critics are saying:

"With that kind of overbloated budget its a wonder if theyll get it out before Christmas."
Vincent Canby, New York Times

"I liked the prequel better. Thumbs up!"
Gene Siskel, Chicago Sun Times

"Well, Gene you ratfaced cad, I didn't! A big thumbs down!"
Roger Ebert, Chicago Tribune

"The dolls, keychains, and lunchboxes are out and so are the monster size cup drinks at McDonalds, but everyone keeps asking, where's Part 4?"
Joyce Kulhaiwick, WCVB Channel 5
Boston Entertainment Critic

"I have the real scoop folks. And what a story it is! Hold onto your teeth and tighten your seatbelts! There hasn't been a scandal like this since Amy Fisher and that Butafuocco guy! Here's what happened: Before Part 3 came out Janis said her head would melt or explode or something like that if she didn't get "sack time" with Bashir. So the writer tacked on a cheezy teaser ending right before publication. Once done they realized it was vaporware cause they didn't know how she got there in the first place. Then they sold out to the greedy corporate conglomerate for a quick solution. The Corporation, worried about all the money they might lose while they spend tons of money producing it, tied it up in meetings ever since. Its a major scandal folks. And you heard it here first!" Maury Povich, "Inside Edition"



[Author's Note: It was at this point one of the wonders of the net made itself apparent. After I ran out of steam and let the ball drop, the protagonist herself and another avid fan took matters into their own hands and completed my creation quite well!]

From: (Janis Maria C. C. Cortese)
Subject: Re: The Adventures of Janis the Net.Hussy Part 4 (NOT!)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.misc,alt.startrek.creative
Organization: University of California, Irvine
Date: 2 Jul 93 21:31:55 GMT

In article (David Weinstein) writes:
> The Long Awaited Adventures of Janis The Net.Hussy Part 4
> When last we left our heroine she had awakened in the dark
>from a sound sleep to find that she was not alone. (Surprised?!)
>To her delight and amazement who should be lying there but
>none other than Dr. Julian Bashir! What was he doing there?
>How had they gotten there? And what had they done...
> And then she remembered.

And she would never be the same -- and she was SURE Julian wouldn't be.

> ....and then....she....remembered. Hello? Anyone out there?
>Janis sat in bed in the dark waiting for something to happen.
>Nothing happened. Not a sound nor a movement or a wink. She
>couldn't think let alone remember anything. She reached over
>and shook Bashir. He just lay there . . .

. . . for a few moments and then opened his eyes, those amazing velvet
pools. "Janis," he purred. She watched him as his long body stretched.
"That was unlike anything I've ever experienced. I'll never want
another woman again." And he drew her down into his arms . . .

Okay. Use your OWN shameful imaginations here.

Janis the n.p.h

Janis Cortese || President and Founder: SEFEB, and The || || Society of People Who Would Love to ||
UCIrvine Linguistics, || Shove a Stick Up Rush Limbaugh's Ass; ||
for a while more anyway || and Member of The Star Trek Ladies' ||
Irvine, California || Auxiliary and Embroidery/Baking Society ||
I used to be a bitch and just thought it was my problem. ||
Now, I've learned to make it everyone else's problem, too. ||
=====================DEATH BEFORE BELLBOTTOMS!======================||

From: (Hoosier Red)
Subject: Re: The Adventures of Janis the Net.Hussy Part 4 (NOT!)
Sender: (News System)
Organization: University of Chicago
Date: Sun, 4 Jul 1993 05:36:38 GMT

> . . . for a few moments and then opened his eyes, those amazing velvet
>pools. "Janis," he purred. She watched him as his long body stretched.
>"That was unlike anything I've ever experienced. I'll never want
>another woman again." And he drew her down into his arms . . .

Encompassing her in a circle of pure delight as he slowly,
delicately kissed a line from the curve of her jaw to her chin.
Then to her mouth, savoring its delicate flavor as if Janis was
some wonderful delicacy.

"Sorry about using the term "delicate" three times there, love," he
murmured huskily. "But when I'm with you, my poetic license goes out the door."
"Oh, shut up and kiss me," she growled, hungrily running her hands
over his caramel-colored skin. And he obeyed, his own hands
dropping lower on her heated body--

"Commander Hussy!" blared the communicator. "We have an emergency
call from Captain Kirk!"

Janis jerked out of her sensual reverie. "Tell him to blow it out his porthole," she snarled.

"Uh, I can't do that, Commander. He insists on talking to you.
Something about a bimbo dancer and how she meant nothing to him--"

Hussy sighed, shaking her head. Jim Kirk just couldn't stand the
idea of one getting away, she thought irritatedly. "Okay, then
tell him I'm in. . .um. . .an emergency medical situation. Yeah,
that's it." Julian grinned at her, kissing her shoulder in
support. "And I simply can't be reached for oh, another six hours."

The doctor's eyes shot up. "SIX HOURS," he squeaked?

Hussy smiled down at him, her expression sensual and feral at the
same time. "Well, you said you wanted a life of adventure," she
purred, her hands already stroking. "So get ready for the ride of
your life. . ."

Meanwhile, in another part of the galaxy, two Ishtarian traders wer
discussing their latest interest. "Julai, you really want to make
a run on the Enterprise?" Trader Kielel said in mock surprise, her
elegantly arched eyebrows rising. "I know you have an interest in the man, but really--"

"Oh, don't be such a spoilsport," Trader Julai said, reclining in
her plush leather command seat. "Besides, I love a challenge, and
The Great Bald One is the biggest yet."

Will Hussy be called upon to intercept the Traders? Will Julian
recover from his night of passion? And will James Kirk ever get
over the loss of Commander Hussy? Be with us next time, same
net.time, same, as we continue the adventures of:


* || Member, SEFEB and SLAaE/BS*
*The University of Chicago || Um. . .I kinda like Rene, too*
*"Homicide is often justifiable. Poor etiquette never is." *
*Bozo Madrid--"Hoosier Red: Life and Times of a Ques. Property"*


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